Books and movies alike have been based on stories of aliens inhabiting human bodies as a ruse to collect information or prepare for a takeover of planet earth. I think they're looking at it all wrong. I don't think the aliens are making their appearances in human form. I think they use cats.
Now—just think about it for a moment. How do cats adopt human families? By appearing out of the blue on our doorsteps, that's how. It's almost as though they materialized from outer space. We are the chosen ones, selected as a control group for scientific research.
Then, the cat-aliens insinuate themselves into our daily lives to collect data. Haven't you ever been going about your daily chores only to be aware of a feline head swinging in silence to watch your every move, eyes blinking as though snapping photos? We all have. Then they do a mind meld, contacting the mother ship through telepathy. Think back to the last time your cat sat on your lap, staring into the void over your shoulder, leaving you to wonder what's behind you, but afraid to look. She's not dreaming, or thinking about rodent control. She's communicating. Of course, contact with their fellow aliens usually takes place on a dark and stormy night as you're in the middle of a Steven King novel, but that's just added bling to keep us in their thrall.
And this thing cats have for computers? It's a way to keep tabs on us. They access our data and e-mails when we're not looking. Ever come back to your computer to find your cat at your desk and the screen saver gone? The resolution changed? Zoom adjusted? They've been working.
Nine lives? Of course. It's part of their alien heritage. Their goal? Who knows. They've already succeeded in domination. Maybe they plan to start a human colony on their planet and are experimenting to see how well we'd adapt as slaves.
So I sleep with one eye open. It's the only way you can sleep when you have a cat. A furry paw is usually batting at it—probably inserting thought control into our brains at our most vulnerable time.
The takeover is coming, folks. We're under the control of a feline tribe of aliens. We must be thankful for one thing, though. Heaven knows what else cats would get up to if they only had opposable thumbs.
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